Tuesday, December 06, 2005

46. Korea Calling

So, I’m leaving today for my 3 day intensive counseling session.  (I know I called it a counseling week before, but well, it’s just 3 days… they are condensing it for me.)  I’m trying to keep an open mind about the whole thing… I know that I do have issues to deal with (as I imagine we all do), and so I know that it is possible that this week could turn out to be quite productive.  I pray that God is present and His will is done, not my mom’s… not mine… but His.  

In other news, I spent most of last night on the phone to Korea.  I am going to be teaching English there next year at some point, and last night I had several phone interviews.  I have to say that while I’m not exactly used to the format, having job interviews over the phone is awesome… I was wearing my pajamas!  And besides, I give good phone.  During my stint as a telemarketer, I was proposed to a few times, and offered several jobs by business men looking for secretaries because apparently I sound really good on the phone.  I don’t know that I agree (you can listen to me on the fake radio – November 25th and December 2nd shows – and decide for yourself), because to me, my voice sounds weird on the phone, but… well, other people seem to think I sound really good.  

Anyway, it’s all happening really fast.  There was nothing for a while, and then suddenly a flood of offers and interviews.  I could be there as early as the first week of January, which doesn’t leave me much time to find someone to rent my place while I’m gone, but I’m going to trust God on that one.  I’m quite excited about it.  I have been stationery for far too long.

The other night at church, I was talking about going to Korea and one of my friends insisted that I was going to Korea to get away from my mother.  While I don’t deny that that is part of the appeal (as it was part of the appeal in going to Ireland… and Belize… and moving to Ottawa in the first place), it is not the reason.  The reason I’m going?  Well, I talked about it a little bit in this post, and then again in this post, and most recently in this post.  My life feels kind of drab, and I want to fill it with things that aren’t drab.  And conveniently, teaching in Korea pays well… which is rather necessary as I now have a mortgage to pay off (oh the trials of being a grown up!).  Not to mention that the feeling of being alone is much easier to take when you actually are alone, rather than surrounded by people you love and who love you.  Feeling isolated in a group of your friends sucks, and that’s how I feel… even from those friends who know my deep, dark secret.  It’s understandable, they all have their own lives to contend with… I can’t reasonably expect any of them to be wrestling this issue out with the same passion I am.  But it’s so frustrating… they all (with one exception) have their husbands (or wives, girlfriends, boyfriends…) that they can debrief with at the end of the day; someone for whom they are a priority, someone who cares deeply what’s going on in their heads, what is affecting their emotions, what issues are troubling them.  And it’s not that my friends don’t care… or even care deeply, it’s just that it’s not their issue in the way that it would be with someone I was partnered with.  (And don’t read into that that I want to be ‘partnered’ with any of my friends, because wonderful as they all are, I really don’t.)  I’m alone… or at least I feel alone.  And I can handle that better when I actually am alone.  

And besides, traveling is awesome.  I love going to new places and living in and absorbing new cultures… meeting new people.  It really is a joy to me.  And then I can say that I’ve lived and worked on 3 continents… after I’ve paid off my mortgage I think I will head to Africa and teach there for a while.  They just don’t pay enough for me to go there right now, which is kind of a shame.  

Anyway, I will be incommunicado for a bit… I think I will have internet access, but I doubt I’ll be posting until I get back on Saturday… or shortly thereafter, I may need some time to unwind.

1 Comment:

Angel said...

What an incredibly opportunity for you!

Will be praying that the counseling session is positive for you :)