84. Any Dream Will Do.

I’m one of those people who remembers all their dreams. At least when I first wake up… I actually have to spend a few minutes sort of debriefing in the morning (what I call my ‘morning sit’… where I just sit and recount my dream to myself). Days when I am rushed, and I don’t get to do this I feel really off all day. Sort of disoriented and hazy. Not sure what that means, it’s just a fact of my life.

Now, I’m not one of those people who feels the need to analyze all my dreams. I realize that they are mostly just silliness… for example, the dream I had the other night that I was saving a little girl (who turned out to be an alien) from a murderous and vengeful Magnum P.I. probably didn’t mean anything at all. Most of my dreams are just wackiness, and I enjoy them, (and I am one of those people who likes to tell other people about my dreams… I try and reign that impulse in though, cause I’ve heard that it annoys some people… of course, to balance this out, I totally like hearing about other people’s wacky dreams… my old roommate and I used to spend our morning sits sitting on the couch and recounting our dreams to each other. I miss that, actually… okay, tangent over now.)

I’ve spent a large portion of my life moving around… I once counted and by the time I’d graduated high school, I’d moved 10 times, going to 10 different schools. And since then I haven’t exactly remained stationery. I’ve since lived in Ottawa (for university), Ireland, Belize and now Korea.

What do these two things have to do with each other? Well, whenever I have moved, I’ve always made a note of when my dreams changed… like I vividly remember the first dream I had that took place in Korea… or the first one that happened in Ireland, Belize, Winnipeg, Ottawa… etc… I attach a lot of significance to those dreams. Not to the content or plot of them, but to the location. I figure that those dreams mean that I’ve adjusted to my new location. I feel comfortable and safe, and no longer need to reach back to my previous location to feel at home.

So, what does this have to do with this blog? Well… I’ve had several lesbian dreams recently. No, not sex dreams, and not nightmares… I mean, dreams where I’m a lesbian and it’s all okay and nobody (not even me) cares. Like the one I had the other night where I was getting married to this girl, but I backed out the day of my wedding because I wasn’t in love with her and all of my friends (including my church friends) were upset because they were excited about the wedding (which was being held in a church, by the way) and kept trying to get me back together with this girl (who I never once saw in the dream, by the way). Or the one I had 2 nights ago where my neighbour S. was lonely and her mother kept trying to set her up with me and I kept having to explain to her mother that S. isn’t gay, and I’m just not interested, thank you very much.

So, does this change in my dream life mean the same thing? That I’m finally comfortable being gay? It’s not like I think I was uncomfortable with it before Tuesday night (the night of the first in this dream series), but… well, this is new. Most of my dreams are asexual… usually involving me having some sort of adventure, and the majority of them have me playing the role of hero, which is fun for all concerned (and by that, I mean me).

I actually don’t have an answer to this question. I don’t really feel like my attitude has changed. But maybe it has changed so gradually that I haven’t noticed it. I really don’t know. Anyway, I’m actually writing this post right before bed, so we'll see what happens tonight in my wacky subconscious. Probably nothing significant, probably saving another innocent from a psychopathic 80's television star... or something in that vein anyway. But maybe there will be some sort of lesbian twist. Who knows. It's interesting to me, even though I can't explain it. Regardless, I'm tired now and so I'll find out soon enough.