7. Breakdown

So, today I read John Stott’s Same-Sex Partnerships? A Christian Perspective… and had a breakdown. I haven’t broken down sobbing like that in months. Oh, I’ve cried, but not that really undignified sobbing with the gasping and all the fluids leaking uncontrollably from my face. What made me sob? Well, I’ll get to that. First I’d like to examine his arguments.

He starts off by saying that homosexuals are human, which frightened me… I appreciate what he was trying to do, to make sure that Christians don’t demonize us, but the need for that is frightening. Anyway, he proceeds to outline the prooftexts that people use to say that homosexuality is a sin, and he includes Sodom and Gomorrah in that list, which just frustrates me. I grew up in the church, and loved all those Old Testament stories, and I never once thought of the tale of Sodom and Gomorrah as an anti-gay story – and believe me, I was hyper aware of anything to do with homosexuality that came up in church or in the Bible. The story of Sodom and Gomorrah was always a story about violence to me, and when I got older I realized it was a story about rape.

Anyway, he sets up (sort of) the arguments supporting same-sex relationships and then proceeds to knock them down. I say “sort of” because he seems to present only the weakest portions of the arguments for same-sex marriage – for example, he says that proponents of same-sex marriage will say that the sin for which Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed was the sin of inhospitality. That sounds so weak, and it’s just not true… at least not from what I’ve read… most proponents of same-sex marriage will say the sin was sexual in nature…but it was rape, not homosexuality – and by anyone’s standards, rape is a sin. I found this section of the book rather weak. The next section, however, was another story.

The next section was about how we must look at the marriage that God ordained in the Bible (not necessarily the marriages that are portrayed in the Bible) as the standard. This argument, I must admit, has some merit to me – it reminds me of how bank tellers (I’m told) are not shown counterfeit currency, but are made to study the authentic bills, so that when the fake bills come across their path they will see them for what they are. The problem(s) I have with this is that we do not see too many “authentic” marriages in Scripture… actually; there are none that come to mind right now. Also, the verses that he uses to describe this God-ordained marriage are verses I’ve always read as descriptions, or background, not as prescriptive passages in which every word must be taken into consideration. (i.e.: Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife…”). The last problem I have with this argument is that it seems too… misty, or something. There doesn’t seem to be much substance to it.

And then there was the part that ticked me off… the part about gay people being more promiscuous than straight people – like we are some how incapable of monogamy. This is a stereotype that just makes me mad. All the gay people I know are in long-term, committed relationships – serial monogamists, if you will… much like most non-married, non-Christian, straight people. As for those gay people who are promiscuous, well it is usually only for a time, before they settle down…again, like most single, non-Christian, straight people. I’m not denying that those anonymous sexual encounters don’t happen, but I can tell you that I’ve heard way more stories about anonymous sex from my straight friends than from my gay ones... I actually can’t think of a single story like that from any of the gay people I know or have met in the past. This theory about gay people being more promiscuous is something I think Christians like to think so that they can justify focusing on us instead of the sexual immorality that exists among straight people. Somehow gay people are ‘more immoral’ than those kids who strip for beads at Mardi Gras, or the ones who video tape them and put it on the internet, or, well,…I could go on…

So, what made me break down? As I’ve said before, while I’m not sure what I believe right now, I think I’ll probably end up on the side of celibacy, which, as I’ve already said, does not make me happy. Well, on page 81, he says “At the heart of the homosexual condition is a deep loneliness, the natural human hunger for mutual love, a search for identity, and a longing for completeness.” With the exception of the identity issue (I’m not sure why people are always thinking that gay people have identity issues), I see all of that in my future if I choose a life of celibacy…so what does Stott offer as hope? Well…basically, he offers the pity of straight people. I suppose he would use the word ‘compassion’, but it’s pity… or at least it read like that to me. He mentions how we will need a confidant, pastors, therapists, a therapy group, etc… all of this just to maintain a life that will still be lonely. This, to me, is not hope at all. And, of course, he mentions the hope of heaven, which is wonderful… but, well… shouldn’t there be some hope here? I mean, shouldn’t my life be more than just days passing by as I wait impatiently to die? I’m already feeling that. I don’t want to live another 40 years in this same emotional place. I don’t want a life that is ‘less than’ that of my straight friends. I don’t want a life where they take turns having me over for Christmas and Thanksgiving. I don’t want a life where when I die; I just melt away, as if I had never existed.

Anyway, that’s what made me break down.

I have been praying such desperate prayers lately, asking God to help me with this, show me what His will is, what He wants me to do…even to just let me know He’s there. I feel like I’m flailing through this alone, and it sucks. It’s like God’s gone deaf, or He’s ignoring me…or (and I can’t even believe I’m saying this) He isn’t there after all. I guess I’m having a bit of a crisis of faith.