Monday, April 06, 2009

135. Just because I felt like it...

So, I don’t really have much to say right now. Honestly, my life is so very dull… very full, but not full of things that I think would be interesting for you to hear about. My job continues to go well, which is nice. Having a job you actually look forward to is a real rarity, I think, so I try not to take that for granted. The kids are a constant source of joy (and occasional frustration… and disgust… the stomach flu that is making its way through our numbers has resulted in some very extreme unpleasantness that I won’t go into here except to say that God knew what He was about when He made kids cute, because otherwise there is no way we would be able to handle some of what goes on with their little bodies.)

In other news… there isn’t much other news. Oh, except my mom sent me a video to ‘watch and consider’ of an ex-gay preacher named Sy Rogers. So I did… it was frustrating, but nothing I hadn’t heard before. Oh, except for his claim to be an ex-transsexual… which I don’t think is a correct identification. His explanation for how he started on the road to transition sounded nothing like what I’ve heard/read from other trans people – how they always knew they were the wrong gender, how their bodies felt wrong, etc… he spoke of making a decision at some point in his twenties that he had failed at being a man so he would try being a woman. Which doesn’t sound at all like what I imagine a real trans person would say. Plus, his explanation of how God ‘saved’ him from this also didn’t ring true. He went to go for the operation and was told he had to live as a woman for 2 years, so he did, and at some point in that two years he had a revelation that this was wrong, that he should not transition… which to me only proves that he was not, in fact, really trans – that is, in fact, the reason that the doctors make you live as a woman for two years… to make sure you are certain about this life altering operation. This is not evidence of a miracle to me, this is evidence of the wisdom of the system.

The video did give me an explanation for a recent conversation my mom and I had had in which she was quite insistent that I did not have any intimate friendships. No matter what I said, she would not accept the fact that my friendships were in any way sufficient. And she went on to say that I need to have ‘an intimate conversation with a friend every single day’. It was bizarre, and kind of insulting. At the time I chalked it up to a regular theme with my mother… that my life is inadequate. She has never been a fan of any of my friends that I have at the moment. It is not as big a deal now, but it was a huge deal when I lived with her. She always wanted me to be friends with people she chose for me. Or oddly enough, if I moved on from a friend (mainly due to simply growing apart) she would suddenly start trying to get me to be friends with them again instead of whoever I was friends with then. It was very frustrating. Still is, but mostly now because it is simply part of her criticism of my life. Oh, but here’s where the video came in. Sy Rogers explains in this video that his ‘cure’ for his homosexuality came mainly as a result of intimate friendships with men. Hence the weird and sort of prescriptive nature of my mom’s most recent criticism of my relationships.

Anyway, this is a very hastily thrown together blog post. I just felt like writing one and so… I did.


Rod Marquez said...

I feel sorry for ex-gay people. I wish they would just see the truth. They are gay, God made them this way, and they just have to partner up, live a good life and they'll be saved. That's what I believe anyway. And after countless conversations with God, he hasn't said otherwise.

But I also think that your mom loves you and worries for you.

Oh by the way.....I'm Rod. Nice to meet you.

titration said...

Hey JJ just saying hi. Thanks for the post. :)

Casandra said...

Hi, JJ. I guess I'm thinking 2 things -- you and your mom seem to be on the same page: you both want for you to have an intimate daily relationship with a woman. And the other thing comes from me being a psychotherapist -- Sy Rogers sounds like an EXTREMELY emotionally unstable person...and I'm guessing there are LOTS of contributing factors to that!

Anonymous said...

Some people might say now that since you are so antagonistic towards your Mom and vice versa that you are looking for a relationship with your Mom in other women!


I am neither here nor there, but I'll tell you there are many transsexuals who refuse to go ahead with surgery. Declining surgery dos not make one a failed transsexual.

I think your Mom is devastated that you are lesbian and shes reading everything she can get her hands on about it and throwing it at you to see if it sticks because you have to remember that it is her "fault" for not "bonding with you" so she must "fix it".

I think you need to come off the fence though.
I am not sure you'll be happy until you make a decision.