Sunday, November 30, 2008

132. A Good Week

Once again, it’s been a while. But I’ve had a good week so I thought I’d tell you about it.

It began on Saturday (last Saturday) when I went to this weird sort of conference thing on very little sleep and because of that was unable to conform to normal socially acceptable behaviour… by which I mean that there was a very attractive girl there that I couldn’t seem to stop myself from staring at. The amount of times I had to actually verbally tell myself to move my eyes so I didn’t seem creepy is a little embarrassing, but I was just so tired I wasn’t really aware of what I was doing. The staring wasn’t the good part though… the good part happened at the end of the day when I was heading to the refreshment table to see if there was anyway I could mainline caffeine (I was seriously fading) and she grabbed my arm as I passed her and asked for my email address. I sort of stared at her, because it well… it didn’t make any sense. We hadn’t spoken more than 2 sentences to each other, we weren’t sitting near each other… I sort of had the feeling I was imagining it. But I wasn’t. I’m still not sure why she did that, and I don’t know if she is gay or not. I’ve written her and haven’t heard back yet… but still. It’s likely that absolutely nothing will come of that, but it was nice just the same.

Oh, and then there was Thursday, where I did my planet craft with my afternoon kids (basically painted styrofoam balls, glitter and sequins, nothing too elaborate, but a very exciting craft nonetheless. They look awesome hanging in the room). It’s a very messy craft and definitely needed extra hands to stop things from turning into chaos… so I asked the mom from the morning group that I happen to have a bit of a crush on to help out. Actually, it’s not as creepy as all that, she had asked me if she could ever come in and volunteer in the afternoon, and this opportunity presented itself. The fact that I happen to enjoy her is simply accidental. But it was a good afternoon, we get along very well. I’m hoping this crush goes the way of all my straight girl crushes and simply dissipates, leaving a friendship behind it. Because aside from her hotness (and adding to it, I’m sure) I think she’s awesome and it would cool to hang out with her.

Anyone who knows me personally who is reading this blog is probably wondering why I left out the most exciting thing that happened this week… and well, it’s just that I was saving the best for last. I went to see Ani DiFranco on Tuesday! She played in Montreal, so I took Tuesday afternoon off so I could go early and line up… and that’s what I did. And I ended up in the front row, front and center. It was absolutely incredible. I’m still on a high from it. It was a phenomenal show. I’ve been gushing about it for days. And I came home and I’ve been watching my Ani DVDs to keep it all going. And all this Ani input has had the effect it always does on me, my creative juices have started flowing and I’ve written the first poem that I’ve written in years. I mentioned a long while back that maybe I’d post some of my poetry and so I’ve decided to post this one. It’s in its infancy though… barely edited so be gentle with it, okay?

It’s sunny and warm
With a sweet kiss of a breeze
Leaves are turning into
Rainbows on trees.
I’m slow dancing with myself
But I don’t know how to lead
I’d follow your moves,
But you’re not dancing with me
So I spin in slow circles
Enjoying the movement
Not thinking of tomorrow
Or getting pulled into the current

or getting stuck in the sediment
mired in the regiment
of my daily multivitamin
and not letting other people in

…it’s a wondrous scary place I’m in.
…the dangerous side of contentment

Now is like aspartame
Initially sweet
With an aftertaste of fear
That keeps the edge on my teeth

I keep promising myself
Something better tomorrow
But tomorrow keeps turning back into today
But today ain’t so bad
So I keep letting it slide
Though I know nothing is going to get better that way

The sun in the air
And the leaves on the trees
Keep lulling me into
A dreamless sleep
And I’m happy for now
Cause it’s more than I need
But I am aware
That this feeling won’t keep

Anyway, that’s that. I’ll leave you with another Ani clip… some real poetic genius. I rediscovered this song of hers about a month ago. She has so many albums and so many songs that I’m always rediscovering something of hers. This isn’t a clip from the show I saw, but this is what she closed the Montreal show with. So… enjoy what I enjoyed.


titration said...

Great post and poem. :) keep it up.

Awww. That's super cute that she asked for your email.

ArmoredCity said...

Hi JJ,
Sorry, I just checked Armored City and saw your note (obviously I don't post much there anymore...should get back into it...)
Anyway, I already have roommates for the GCN conference :( but I am superexcited to see you there anyway!!!

Jimmy said...

Hey there, just browsing blogs and I ran across yours. Your blog title is almost my life! I know how it feels. Thanks for sharing your heart and your thoughts with us on the internet.

Please come visit my blog, Crossroads, that wrestles with being Christian and gay (and for that matter, confused).

Hope you like it. Let me know what you think.

Christine Bakke said...

Hey JJ

Can you get in touch with me? You can email me at risingupwhole (a) gmail. I need to ask you something about the conf. -Christine

You can delete this if you want :)

Ben Whitehouse said...

Hi, really interesting blog, it's sad you've gone quiet. There aren't enough gay Christian bloggers out there expressing what's going on in their lives. Thanks for adding to the conversations! :D

Heather said...

I love ani :) ...
I fell upon your blog .... and love it!! Keep writing.